December 2010
2 posts
The Christmas Bastard
As the last of the orphans piled upon me, their diseased and rotting teeth gnashing at my exposed flesh, I could only lament that I hadn’t bashed their precious skulls with a fruitcake.
It was the winter of ’99, a season marked by a precipitous increase in claims of Sasquatch rape. That is, claims of being raped by a Sasquatch, not vice-versa. I mean who has the upper body strength to pull that...
It Never Snows in Hong Kong
Whenever the holidays come around, I think back to the winter of ‘97. I was in Hong Kong at the time, in the final stretch of an internship for Triad crime boss Jimmy Zhang Lao.
It was Christmas Eve, and the mood at the full release massage parlor where we conducted business was dour. The Henan Low Boys had just moved in from the mainland and were hitting all our means of distribution, which...